What is an introvert?
The source of the "solidarity fist." |
All people need to recharge and reorient themselves from time to time, but not everyone does this the same way. Those on the introvert side of the spectrum collect themselves by being alone with their thoughts. Introverts are disoriented by too much social stimulation. The problem is not necessarily people, as much as it is external stimuli. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by stimuli, including human stimuli. As children, introverts were the kids who "overreacted" to noises and sudden changes in the environment.
Extroverts, on the other hand, are energized by social interactions and stimuli. They crave the stimuli. Famous extroverts, like President Bill Clinton, become emboldened lions as social events go on. Introverts like myself, however, become run down and will often need to find an early escape.
It's no secret that the U.S. social structure is one that favors extroverts. They're the go-getters, the bold, the courageous, and the movers. They are people persons. In my experience, the church and Christian ministry is not much different. Though there are signs that this is beginning to change, introverts are misunderstood and undervalued. It has weighed on my quiet mind for some time that I'm often misundestood; therefore, I have composed a list of things that I wish others understood about introverts like me.
- I'm not passive. I don't often "take the lead" because doing such a thing usually requires a great deal of social stamina, which I don't possess. I sometimes envy extroverts for this. But, this should not be interpreted as passivity. Doing such a thing on a regular basis is simply not an ability that I have. What I can do well is focus intensely on a project. Also, if given space, I can put my mind to solving problems. Introverts are loyal team players. I don't mean to say that introverts are incapable of leadership, but, when they do lead, it is quieter kind of leadership. For a discussion of such leadership, check out the Forbes.com article "Introverts No Longer the Quiet Followers of Extroverts" by Karl Moore.
- I'm not shy. My lack of words and social interaction is not about anxiety, fear, or self-consciousness. I just don't want to say anything. Excessive shyness, I think, is something of self-centered malfunction. Quietness, on the other hand, can be a virtue. On the outside, to an extrovert, these may be indistinguishable. The difference, on the inside, is that I'm very confident in who I am. Confident introverts don't feel self-conscious in social settings; they feel run down.
- I deeply value a small number of relationships. There are only a few people in this world that I consider to be close friends, and these relationships run deep and last a lifetime. I've shared my deepest feelings and anxieties with these people, and they really know me. If I have only a few good friends, I don't feel compelled to establish new and intimate bonds. For this reason, I don't have what would be considered an "active" social life.
- I'm a good listener. Because I'm not saying a lot, I have time to listen to others. In my experience as a teacher, introverted students don't say much in class. They may even be doodling, but they are listening and enjoying it. Even as an introvert, I'm still amazed when my quietest students come to me at the end of the school year and genuinely express to me how much they liked my class. "But, I didn't think you cared at all," I think. I'm the same way. I could sit in a small group of people and just listen to them discuss something for hours. One thing I've learned that I need to do better is to give physical or verbal cues (feedback) to speakers to show them that my mind is engaged and that I appreciate their work. Introversion is no excuse for being rude to a speaker.
- I hate parties but would love to get coffee with you. Actually, I don't drink coffee, but "going out for coffee" makes more sense than "going out for a Pepsi." I'm energized by deep and intimate conversation with people I know. As long as I haven't had some kind of social function every other night of the week, I'd love an invitation to get a bite to eat with you.
- I need space. When I'm asked to go out for some social function and I am already feeling depleted, I often feel compelled to make up some excuse. "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I already have plans." or "I'm not feeling well." Lying is neither moral nor healthy for a relation, so I've learned to just be more honest. "No, I think I'm just going to stay in tonight. But thank you for inviting me." It's not you; it's me (really, this time).
- I'm an effective teacher in a setting in which I really know my audience. I've been a teacher for ten years, and I think I'm good at it in my setting. When I get the privilege of teaching the same students for several years in a row as I do now, I can excel. This is because I develop close bonds with them. I really like and love my students; therefore, I develop a good rapport with them. This does not mean, however, that I'll be as effective or comfortable when you ask me to come in and teach your small group, preach at your church, or lead faculty devotions.
- You need introverts in your ministry. Introverts are good disciple makers. While leading the masses will quickly burn out an introvert, they thrive in a discipleship environment, both as the teacher and the learner. Introverts bring a lot to the table when it comes to interpersonal communication. They listen well, think deeply for prolonged periods of time, and they develop deep, lasting relationships.
An exhortation to fellow introverted Christians
While it is spiritually healthy to accept that God has designed us to work the way we do, it is also necessary for us to practice self-sacrifice. Modeling the self-sacrifice of Jesus often means absorbing discomfort and alienation for the well being of another. I'm uncomfortable in groups and with strangers, but I still have to hold it together for the Gospel. I obviously can't make disciples of the nations if I'm unwilling to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. Don't let your introversion be an excuse for disobedience.
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Time Magazine published an excellent article on introverts ("The Upside of Being an Introvert" by Bryan Walsh) in February 2012.
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As a fellow introvert, this post is very encouraging, as I've been wrestling with not allowing it to hold me back from ministering to others as well as being content with how God has made me and not trying to overcompensate in the other direction since it would often be easier if I was an extrovert. I especially appreciate your exhortation. Helpful, to be sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were encouraged. That was my aim.
DeleteThis was really good, Mr. Mooney! I do often feel like people don't understand me and why I am not very outgoing. It's not that I don't like people or want to be around them, but it is draining for me when I am around them for very long. I am just not very comfortable doing things with a whole lot of people, like going to parties. My parents have always said that I am the kind of person that usually has a few close friends instead of a lot of friends who I have shallow relationships with, and its always been true. Shandi is completely different than me, because she is an extrovert, and it always made me feel kind of bad that I wasn't as outgoing, but I guess it's just how I am. Although I am this way, I don't really feel like I am necessarily lacking in confidence. I can take charge and not really be nervous and I don't feel insecure much, but I just prefer to let someone else lead. Anyways, I think it's funny, because you basically just described me and how I am. Good post!
ReplyDelete-Mandi Shelton
Mandi, I actually thought of you more than once as I wrote this. You strike me as a confident introvert. You and I have much in common, I think.
DeleteHaha well thanks. I guess that's good. I think we do too, actually.
Delete-Mandi
As a fellow introvert, this post was very encouraging to me, especially with where I'm at in my life and walk with the Lord. Being in college, it's easy to get discouraged that I get so weary in being around groups of people, and I want to be content with how God has designed me but not use it as an excuse to not minister to others. This post gave some genuinely helpful insight, thanks.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago when I was in missionary training it wasn't long before all the quiet people (introverts) were asked to leave. They only seemed to want the outgoing, super-salesman types.
ReplyDeleteI am not comfortable in large groups of people, but like having a friend or two around. However, unlike the description, I am not a "team player" but prefer working alone, probably because usually when I have been part of a team, I ended up doing most of the work myself, anyway.
Thanks for the comment, Ted. I actually hesitated to right the part about being a team player, precisely for the reason you shared. I think introverts have the potential to be team players, but others often take advantage of them.
DeleteI'm about to move to Korea as a missionary/teacher, and my organization thankfully has not such bias against introverts.
i want to have coffe with you mr mooney- ross minner
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I was so excited when I noticed the topic, because many people misunderstand introverts. Being an introvert does not mean that you are anti-social. This was great. -JESSICA WILSON
ReplyDeleteThis is so true a lot of times I like to go in my room to just recharge or to think over something-Josiah Smith
ReplyDeleteAs I read this, I tried to decide whether I was an introvert or an extravert, and when you said, "My lack of words and social interaction is not about anxiety, fear, or self-consciousness. I just don't want to say anything." I realized that I was definitely an introvert. I'm not shy, (obviously) but unless I'm talking to someone I know really well, I just don't have anything to say.
ReplyDeleteMichael Gattis
This was a very interesting article Mr. Mooney. I myself am not necessarily an introvert, but I do act reserved in unfamiliar situations. I like how you challenged fellow Christian introverts to not let their personality type hinder them from sharing the Gospel. Most of the people who have impacted my life the most are self-proclaimed introverts. I see them as the "Soft whisper" that God speaks through on occasion. Great post!
ReplyDelete-Mallory Bryant
I am definitely not an introvert, but i think people who are like that can help people like me. They help me because they just listen when i need to talk. They are not always thinking about what to say, but truly thinking about the other person's best interests.
ReplyDeleteAllison Lea
Loved this blogpost. I am definately not an extrovert! I often have to just be alone and "recharge" with some peace and quiet to avoid be overwhelmed with school work and other thigs.
ReplyDelete-Megan Ledbetter
I would not classify myself as an introvert, but I sometimes feel like I could be. Maybe I'm just more of an "at home" introvert, because I love to go out with people all of the time. I cannot stand being alone for too long. What you said under your third point about how you value a few deep relationships made me think because I feel like I value so many. I also feel like one of those students that you mentioned in your fourth point. I don't always talk or seem like I enjoy it, but I do listen. I enjoyed this post!
ReplyDelete-Caleb Dather
I can really relate to this post because I am very much an introvert. I agree with all of the points you made about what you wish people would understand about introverts, especially that many people do not recognize the difference between being shy and just not having anything to say. I have always felt that I was at a loss in the discipleship world compared to extroverts because they are the ones who take leadership roles and are comfortable talking to people they don't know about Christ. I never really thought about the good things that introverts possess concerning the ministry like being good listeners and forming long lasting relationships.
ReplyDelete-Saige Wood
So, the image at top of this article is being shared around the Facebook world. Being the curious type, I decided to visit the web address and a little poking around lead me to this. And I'm about to share this on Facebook so maybe more random visitors will be by.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. When I tell people I'm an introvert, they frequently scoff, mistaking introvert for shy. I tell them that once I know you, really know you, you will have a hard time shutting me up when it is just me and them but to think about how I behave when we are in a group. That usually has the light bulb going off.
Thank you for sharing my post. I write to express myself. When it helps others to express themselves, that makes my day. Introverts, Unite!
DeleteCharlie - did you create the graphic you used in this post? If so I'd like to pass on your contact info to someone who would like to use it. If not, do you know who did creat this? Cheers Jon Tyson, Halifax, NS
ReplyDeleteI did create the graphic. I was amazed to see it myself making the rounds on Google+. I'm glad it is getting some attention. Please feel free to use it however you want. charlie.b.mooney(at)gmail.com
DeleteBy "create", you of course mean that you took one of the widely available "solidarity fist" icons and added text to it. You might want to reword things so it doesn't look like you're taking credit for an image that someone else drew. Unless it was, in fact, you that designed that exact graphic way back in 1969: http://www.sds-1960s.org/NewLeftNotes-vol4-no22.pdf
DeleteYou're absolutely right. I didn't mean I created the fist. I'm sorry. I just meant that I made this iteration of it with the text. I couldn't find the source of the fist. My apologies.
DeleteHi, Mr. Mooney. This graphic was first used as a symbol of unity and solidarity during the Wisconsin Uprising, which started three years ago. Carrie Worthen is the artist who designed the Blue Fist. - See more at: http://wisaflcio.typepad.com/wisconsin-state-afl-cio-blog/2011/12/the-blue-fist.html#sthash.QC9MCkdJ.dpuf
ReplyDeleteIt was the first hit on a Google image search. Just thought you should know.
(see above comment) You're absolutely right. I didn't mean I created the fist. I'm sorry. I just meant that I made this iteration of it with the text. I couldn't find the source of the fist. My apologies.
DeleteThis one was on a poster in the Capitol building in Madison WI: http://randomculture.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/wiscfistsm.jpg
ReplyDeleteThanks again. I'm going to add a note to the image to clarify. I never want to be guilty of plagiarism or lying.
DeleteThank you for clarifying! I really appreciate it, and so does the creator of the original image.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. I am genuinely sorry. I've seen the "solidarity fist" so many different places on the Internet that it didn't occur to me that it sounded like I was taking credit for the fist. Thanks again.
DeleteI hope you are familiar with Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh. It helped me understand that I am an introvert and it began to explain all the pain I experienced in the evangelical church. It is an excellent read for introverts and provides hope for them as it also provides a needed orientation for extrovert pastors as they unleash the power of the introverts in their church.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lorne. I have not heard of that author, but I would like to check it out. Introverts are definitely underutilized and under appreciated in church ministry. Blessings.
DeleteThis post is too true... growing up introvert was extremely complex people thinking I don't listen or I'm quiet because I don't like them...
ReplyDelete- Faith Long
As an introvert myself, I can relate to a lot of points that were made in this post especially points 1, 4, and 6. I think it's important that others know that being an introvert rather than an extrovert have its own positives too. (Zachery Son)
ReplyDeleteI like this post. I had an inclination to think of introvert as people who didn't have 'guts' to stand up in front of other people. I consider myself as an introvert, but I try not to show that in front of other people. People tend to think introverts as gloomy people, although they aren't as you mentioned. I think this post is really helpful to change this common perspective. Thank you for thus post!
ReplyDeleteAt first, I thought that introverts were people who simply do not like human. However, after I read this post I began to know more about introverts and extroverts. I do not know if I am a extrovert or a introvert. However, I think I am more into introvert than a extrovert.
ReplyDelete-Kousei Yamamoto
I hope you are familiar with Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh. It helped me understand that I am an introvert and it began to explain all the pain I experienced in the evangelical church.
ReplyDelete