Everyday I hold my daughter in my arms, I look her in the eyes, and I tell her that she is beautiful--that God made her with big beautiful cheeks and beautiful squinty eyes. God designed her magnificently like the master artist that he is. Now, my daughter is much more than her beauty, and I don't want her to be defined by her beauty. But, do you know why I tell her this every day?
I tell her everyday, because she is different than the vast majority of kids around her. She is Korean. My wife and I adopted her, and she now lives her life in the mostly-white American South. I know that, one day, she will come home from school broken-hearted, because someone has made a joke about her Asian features. They will laugh at her narrow squinty eyes and her supple cheeks. That is why I tell her that she has beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks. I tell her that, because I believe she is beautiful, but also to protect her--that the schoolyard insults won't crush her, that they won't make her question her identity, that they will not shatter her self-image, that she will not grow to despise her beautiful eyes and cheeks.
I tell her everyday, because she is different than the vast majority of kids around her. She is Korean. My wife and I adopted her, and she now lives her life in the mostly-white American South. I know that, one day, she will come home from school broken-hearted, because someone has made a joke about her Asian features. They will laugh at her narrow squinty eyes and her supple cheeks. That is why I tell her that she has beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks. I tell her that, because I believe she is beautiful, but also to protect her--that the schoolyard insults won't crush her, that they won't make her question her identity, that they will not shatter her self-image, that she will not grow to despise her beautiful eyes and cheeks.
I want her to be so secure in her father's love and approval that the condemnation of other kids will not crush her. For now, until she meets Christ, I hold her identity secure. Her identity is protected by the two people on this earth who love her more than anyone--her parents.Who holds your identity?
Like the mean, insecure kids on playgrounds across the world, there is one (the ultimate bully) who would love to tear you down. He would love to make fun of you, to make you question your value, to convince you that you are worthless. His name is Satan, and he has a host of bullies working for him, those wretched beings who were cast with Lucifer from the splendor of God's presence and have committed themselves to destroying God's good work in the cosmos and in believers.
Satan is full of such hate, animosity, and vengeance that he "prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) Unlike the bullies on the playground, however, he has the gift of being able to make you think his accusations are your own--his whispers so quiet (and yet so clear) that you think that they are your own thoughts. He devours us with thoughts that lead to depression, self-hatred, self-loathing, legalism, and feelings of general worthlessness. He consumes our joy with worry and our confidence with self-consciousness. He destroys us with mind games.
I protect my daughter's thoughts and self-image from bullies. Who protects us from the accusations of Satan?
The love of a father
Like my daughter, when we seek refuge from the lies and accusations of Satan, we must return to our Father who loves us--the Father who says our features are perfect. He is the Father who protects our identity in the palm of his mighty hand.
I tell my daughter that she is beautiful. What does God say about his children?
- We are chosen. (Eph. 1:4, 11)
- We are created and recreated masterfully in his image. (Gen. 1:27; 1 Cor. 15:49)
- We are his beloved children. (John 1:12; Rom. 8:15-16; 1 John 3:1)
- We are justified no matter what we do. (Gal. 2:16)
- We have become Christ. (2 Cor. 5:21; Rom. 4:25)
- We are secure. (Rom. 8:31-38)
- We will have new bodies. (1 Cor. 15:42-49)
- We are conquerors over death. (1 Cor. 15:22, 26)
- We are conquerors over Satan and his fellow accusers. (Rom. 8:37; Rom. 16:20)
- We are defended by Jesus. (Rom. 8:34)
- We are princes and princesses, heirs to a royal inheritance. (Rom. 8:15; Eph. 1:11)
- We are fully justified (declared completely innocent). (Acts 13:39; Rom. 5:1, 18; Rom. 8:33; Gal. 2:16; Eph. 1:4)
Paul reminded the Roman Christians (Rom 8:31-39) that Jesus stands before the Father and pleads our case, interceding on our behalf. This means that, from a Trinitarian perspective, God is both our judge and our defender. The case is rigged in our favor. We can't lose!
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,What is bothering you?
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Whatever is bothering you, bringing you down, or causing you stress, put it in proper perspective. Renew your mind by keeping an eternal perspective. Someday you will have dwelled in the "eternal weight of glory" for 10,000 years with an eternity more to go, and the problems of this life will seem a distant memory of a "light and momentary affliction." (2 Cor. 4:17)
In light of your perfect security in Christ, how big do your problems seem? You are beautiful. You are complete. You are loved.
When you preached this in chapel, it made me think about where I found my identity and that it is important to find my identity in Christ which will not go away. Thanks for your teaching.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved when you taught this in chapel. It was so encouraging to be reminded that my identity does not fall to the hands of the world, but will always be found in Christ.
ReplyDelete-JESSICA WILSON
Alot of times i try to put my identity in something that really doesnt matter and i like this article because it reminds me that my identity needs to be in christ-Josiah Smith
ReplyDeleteI love this coming from a guy's perspective. Society is so harsh on girls and it is hard for men to realize the self-worth struggles that girls face everyday. Finding your identity and Christ is one of hte most rewarding things that a person can do, because it is eternal.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated when you talked about this in chapel. Just remembering that I don't just have one dad that loves me endlessly, I have another one that i haven't gotten to meet yet and he died for me and I am living my life for Him. He is the identity I put on myself every day I am His child and others may try to hurt me and push me down. He is so much stronger and has way more control. Thank you for that sermon Mr. Monney
ReplyDeleteThis life isn't easy for anybody, and sometimes (especially at the end of your senior year) it seems like the world is literally going to end- not an exaggeration. So when you said that "the problems of this life will seem a distant memory of a 'light and momentary affliction'" I had to really use my imagination to understand what that would be like. The problems and struggles in life seem like such a big deal right now, that it's difficult to imagine them being hard to remember.
ReplyDeleteMichael Gattis
I absolutely love this! I especially loved your chapel lesson on this topic! All girls need to hear this daily! We all need to remember where our identity and beaty lies.
ReplyDelete-Megan Ledbetter
I really love this post, Mr. Mooney. So many people are in need of hearing this on a daily basis. It is also eye-opening to those who might make the poor decisions to make fun of people who don't look exactly like they do. Everyone must remember that our identity is in Christ and that we are all His children.
ReplyDelete-Caleb Dather
I remember you talking about this in chapel a few weeks ago. It really made me start thinking about what my identity was. I realized that I had put my identity into things other than Christ. Since then I have really been trying to focus more on God and put my identity in him.
ReplyDelete-Saige Wood
This post made me more think about my identity and how important I am. I was warrying about going to college in U.S because in US people are different from me.But after i read this, it changed me.
ReplyDelete-juwon
This post made me think about my identy a lot. Before I read this, I was worrying about going to college in U.S because people in there are different from me but after reading this I'm not scared of going there anymore.
ReplyDelete- Juwon
As a Korean kid in a Middle Eastern country, I had countless moments concerning my identity. I had moments where I could not blend in with the Muslim society but my mom always reminded me that we are all "God's people and members of God's household". I don't struggle with this as much since I came to Korea, but this post was still a great reminder for me and I am sure it will encourage many third culture kids (just like me) to find their real identities in Christ!
ReplyDelete-Inji Kim
Amen! Your daughter is truly beautiful, by the way. My heart aches, too, thinking of potential pain that our kids may experience in life and I pray every day that they will long for and be so secure in the Lord that their hearts will stand strong in him. Great post for dads and all people. Our solid identity begins early in life building into our kids. Your post, in regard to our kids, reminds me of a great new, actually renewed, book. Great for all dads of daughters. We're loving it, so I have to share... It's called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. Originally released in the 90s, it was a best seller. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It's so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. I highly recommend it!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.tyndale.com/She-Calls-Me-Daddy/9781589977853#.U7jH414Q7wI
had hard time interacting with kids when I was in states. I did not know much about Christ, so all I did was study harder and get smarter so that no one could look down on me. I started to help my classmates who had lower grades than I did. That was just one way to deal with kids who do not speak the same language as you do and don't have same culture or backgrounds. I talked about finding one's identity in our discipleship group last year. All of us didn't really have purpose of our lives. Like you heard at the end of last year, my friend did not have any goals and thought life was meaningless. Mine was also meaningless. I realized that if God help us, it is easy to find our identity as a Christian inside his world.
ReplyDeleteJoseph Choi
This post meant alot. I remember when I was young I couldn't interact with kids. Especially the cool kids. I was scared to talk to them but after reading this it helped me alot and changed me.
ReplyDelete-cindy cho
Brian Park
ReplyDeleteI struggled with this idea for a long time, and I admit that it is still a big challenge for me as I go on life. Recently, I agree that Jesus and following him should be my purpose for life, but my heart would not follow what I have understood from the head. I forget a lot about my purpose of life. However, I think the heart knowledge will follow as I continue my walk in Christ.
I remember from a long time ago, approximately third grade, that I was bullied because I was different from the others. I was the only half Korean in the school. At the time, I did not know anything about Christ. I did not know why those things happened to me. But now I realize that it was God giving me the trials and his plans working in me. Though even now I struggle with my identity, I believe that God will lead me in the path that he set for me.
ReplyDelete-Zachery Son